I am fragile – a painful discovery… every time…
“I am fragile”
I wish that I was as strong as I sometimes believe that I am, that I was as happy as I sometimes appear to be and that I had the energy level I actually require to make it through the day without a nap.
Even though, I feel so much better than I did about a year ago, it is still hard work. Luckily for me, it is not “all day every day” anymore. Over the past half year, I have learned to truly enjoy things without having to “waste” all my energy on this. I now know what it feels like to walk around with a smile on my face and how your cheeks can start to hurt while doing so. Creativity started pumping through my veins again and my surroundings are stimulating me again. I love spending time with my friends, my pets and my family. Most nights I sleep well and wake up fully charged and ready to go. I wake up “early” and spend my mornings with my coffee, my coffee stains (maybe something for later) and listening to music. Even going to work can’t get me down anymore.
All this makes it even harder for me to admit that “I am fragile”. Even though things are “great”, there are still moments when I let my guard down and little “things” still sneak in and knock me off my feet. There are still times when I cry my eyes out. However, I can now place where the pain comes from about 99% of the times.
Today just happens to be “one of those days”… and it sucks!
“I am fragile”